Saturday, March 15, 2014


Cats, birds, and cars -- and Splendor in the Carport

Two posts ago I was talking about crows, and with the nice weather we’ve had this week, I’m hearing other birds, yeah, crows, too.  Even Shadow runs from window to window. There was a picture on youTube a few days ago of a cat straddling some window blinds.  That could be in her future.  We can't get the blinds up soon enough in the morning so she can see all of nature.  Yet, she has never even tried to go out a door.   I am also hopeful that  THIS   isn't in her future.

I'm going somewhere with this.  Give me time.  All this bird talk reminded me of last summer  and a short piece I wrote, which I called:

                                        Splendor in the Carport                  
It isn’t easy to decide on one’s choice of a partner for reproduction.  It takes careful consideration, sometimes evokes bliss, but other times can end in rejection or outright failure.  Nowhere is this more obvious than in the ornithological community.

Case in point: our carport usually has two cars parked there and that means four side mirrors.  A very confused, possibly narcissistic bird has spent days attempting to mate with himself, or beat himself to death, by flapping his wings and throwing his body at each of the four mirrors in turn.  According to an online search, birds attacking car mirrors or mirror-like windows are protecting their territory from other birds, presumably, in all cases, protecting himself from his own image.

I’m not an expert, so I can, with impunity, disagree with experts.  It’s the American way.  If this bird is protecting his territory, why isn’t he fighting his specie brothers at or under the bird feeder instead of ignoring them?  Oh, sure, if there’s a particularly choice seed he’s after, he might push things around a little, but there’s barely a flutter of aggression.

However, once he spotted the four side mirrors, he has for days been flapping his wings at each of them in some kind of random and confused fury, leaving behind on each car the unpleasant evidence of his frustration in white organic detritus enhanced with purple spots and seed ornaments.  He seems to have an over-abundance of feces to share.

In order to help him cease and desist his misguided amorous, or pugnacious, onslaughts on our cars, I washed each side mirror and the messes beneath them and tied grocery store bags on them.  My husband said his Jeep looked like it was wearing a bra. 

For several days, our cars were spared the daily attacks of flapping and bespattering, but then Amy came to visit in her little Honda.  Poor little car.  The master fornicator/gladiator  attacked with saved up vengeance.  There must have been pain involved.  Those fat mirrors didn’t exactly welcome his advances.  I’m afraid they were a bit cold, too, so the feelings of rejection had to be intense.  Love in the afternoon, in this case, was a many-splattered thing.

One day in my usual fog, I left the bags on the mirrors and had to stop a few houses down the road to remove them.  I’m getting tired of this, so I hope our unfriendly neighbor finds a more receptive mate, or--if the experts are right, and he thinks our mirrors are a menace–-I hope those eggs pop open pretty soon, and the wife does the teach-them-to-fly stuff and kicks them out of the nest.  Then they can move their little family, especially Dad, out of the neighborhood.   Personally, I think she can do better.  He's crazy.

The End      

You see my dilemma.   I’m trying to think of  ways to either change my attitude or the birds’ behavior this coming spring and summer.  If any of you have ideas or opinions, I’d like to hear them before I go out on some limb -- probably meet another bird out there. 

While you’re thinking about it, consider what effect the purchase of a new car might have on their behavior. . . . or mine . . . maybe one with retracting mirrors. 



  1. I vote for retracting mirrors! I loved this piece.....between Shadow and the 'crazy' bird, I caught myself laughing...and that's a good thing!

    1. I think I was laughing while I wrote it. The truth is funnier than anything I could make up. It will be interesting to see if 'crazy bird' comes back.

  2. retractable mirrors sound ideal, but you don't need a new car yet, do you?

    1. Janice, tsk tsk what does need have to do with it. I've been driving this beige 2003 Buick for more than ten years and Buicks just like it in color for another ten. When my grandchildren were small they called it the grannymobile. What do you suppose they call it now?
      I've been looking for your blog and can't remember the name. Searches do no good so you've achieved your goal. Send me an email, please.

  3. I like your voice - always have. Never had that problem with a bird. I've got a wren that is determined to nest in my garage. I'm determined to close the door when I leave the house. We haven't worked it out yet.

    1. You will, Dac. Wrens are like that. We have a particularly appealing post-top in the carport. We just tip toe around her.
      Thanks for the 'voice' compliment. I like to write so much, it must come through to you.


I encourage you to leave comments. I'll reply to all within a week.